Suicide Loss Survivor

My new normal began on August 17, 2022, when my wife died by suicide. Who I was before that day compared to who I am now are very different. I believe there are many of you that can relate to that statement. If you have been affected by suicide, it changes you and it can be in both good or bad ways. And I'm not saying that everything about you as a person changes, but there are some major biological changes that take place in your brain that shifts how you view the world. And I genuinely believe it is up to you on how you shape that.

Prior to that day, I had been in the service for 12 years, just received my Dual Master's Degree in Homeland Security and Emergency Disaster Management, with two other degrees, one being a Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice. I had hopes of being in the FBI or the US Marshal's, but had been working as a personal trainer while going to school. I thought I knew what the rest of my life was going to look like. I knew who I was going to be with and what my goals were. In a matter of moments, the view that I had of the world completely flipped upside down.

I am now medically retired from the military due to PTSD. I have a company dedicated to raising awareness to suicide prevention and mental health through my brand. I raise money for the cause and continue to share my story in hopes to inspire others to do the same. I do some things that I used to enjoy, but not as often. I look at the world in a totally different way and just want to help others in more of a mental health way as opposed to kicking in doors and arresting terrorists.

My point with this initial blog is to share that my life was over on August 17th, 2022. That day I wasn't sure how long I'd last because the pain was so deep. I honestly didn't want to do anything anymore. At the same time, the burning desire to help other's lit the fire inside me to keep pushing forward. There is a way to move forward, you just really have to dig deep to find out what your purpose may be. It could be something very different than you ever thought and though that sounds scary, if you're passionate enough about it, you will make it happen. There have been ups and downs to this process, but I'm so grateful to be on this journey and I look forward to continuing to connect with people and hopefully inspire them to share their story, to keep fighting, and to provide hope.

You are loved. You are enough. Keeping pushing forward.