PTSD after Suicide Loss

Losing a spouse to suicide is a trauma that reshapes the world as you know it. Everything looks different. I've said it since the beginning that I'm a different person. It’s not just grief—it’s the constant replaying of the moment you found out, the what-ifs that never stop, the sudden triggers that transport you back to that day in an instant. PTSD after such a loss isn’t just sadness; it’s avoiding places, conversations, music, activities that remind you of them, it’s feeling like your brain is stuck in survival mode long after the danger has passed.

People expect grief to fade, but PTSD doesn’t work like that. It lingers in the nervous system, making even the smallest things feel overwhelming. A song, a scent, or an anniversary can bring back emotions so raw they feel fresh. The guilt is crushing—what could I have done?—but the truth is, mental illness is ruthless, and losing someone this way is not your fault. But it all hurts the same. Moving forward has always been my mantra, but there are times where I can feel it in my bones when that grief that creeps in. That doesn't mean I'm not moving forward, I'm just a human being with with feelings and trauma. I try to manage the best that I can.

Healing isn’t linear, and it doesn’t mean forgetting. It means finding ways to exist in the world again, to seek support, to let yourself feel without judgment. Therapy, support groups, and even just talking to others who understand can make a difference. One big reason why I came up with my brand. You are not alone in this. PTSD from such a loss is real, but so is your strength. One day, one breath at a time, you can find your way forward.

If you or someone you love is struggling, please reach out. Help is out there. Call 988 if you or someone you know is having thoughts of suicide.